In February 2020, I had one of the greatest wake-up calls of my life. It was right before the pandemic and I was in the middle of a speaking tour spanning the country. I was literally living flight to flight, appearing in cities that were thousands of miles apart. At times, I’d have three speeches in three different locations on the same day. But I absolutely loved it.
You know how they say, when you do what you love, it doesn’t feel like work? During that time, although I wasn’t able to take care of myself as much or tend to my needs the way I was used to, I was happy. I love inspiring audiences and I live for helping people find those ‘aha’ moments for themselves. Everywhere I went, people would tell me how much I impacted them and their feedback became my oxygen. I thrived on it.
When it came time for my 11th flight of the week, I was riding on a natural high. I sat down in my seat, eager to take in another beautiful city filled with amazing people and suddenly, it hit me. A wave of anxiety came crashing down all over my head. Like an avalanche of emotion, it settled squarely on my shoulders and lingered on the top of my chest. My head spun and my skin got all clammy. Before I knew it, I was struggling to breathe. For the first time in my life, I dug my face into the vomit bag that usually stayed neatly folded in front of me. My mind immediately jumped to the thought of a heart attack.
After the flight attendant called for available doctors and two came to my rescue, it was confirmed that I wasn’t in any real danger. “Lady, you are having an anxiety attack,” said the doctor, twice actually. I couldn’t believe it. There were no crises I was up against, I’d been flying since I was a child, and I was on my way to doing something that I loved to do. But admittedly, I hadn’t given myself much time to take a break from it all and just be.
“Do-mode” versus “Be-mode”
Scientists have found that humans prominently operate from two modes of thinking known as “doing” and “being.” The “doing” mode is concerned with external progress and accomplishment. Its job is to keep track of our to-do lists and dwell on the discrepancies between what we’ve completed and what we say should be done. When we’re in “being” mode, we’re completely detached from the mind and fully present in our reality.
Both are necessary and positive in their own right. However, an issue arises when the “doing” mode starts trying to solve the problems of our personal, internal world of thoughts and feelings normally governed by the “being” mode. In my case, I was equating my self worth and level of happiness with what I could accomplish externally because goal setting brought wonderful results that I greatly enjoyed. But when I wasn’t able to do anything other than wait for a plane to take off and land in order for me to feel good, my “doing” mind took serious offense.
We are wired to be in do-mode all the time. From juggling meetings, to coordinating childcare and attending family events, we’re always doing, doing, doing. I see this obsession with productivity often reflected in the leaders and professionals I work with in my speaking career who’ve identified their advocacy and educational activities as far more important than their own need for wellness. It’s the evidence of a capitalistic society conditioned to praise output over quality of experience. We get so caught up in do-mode these days that we forget to just be. The repercussions of which we often feel in our symptoms of physical illness and mental burnout.
One Small Practice A Day Keeps The Crises At Bay
As I’ve learned more about the scientific basis behind our healthcare in my MD program, the concept of daily dental health has become far more striking. We don’t wait to get a cavity or for a tooth to fall out before we start brushing our teeth daily. Yet we wait for a panic attack, a breakdown, or burnout before we start addressing our mental health. But that tendency to wait until a crisis happens before prioritizing wellness often leaves us scrambling for solutions when we’re no longer healthy enough to find them.
Now that the pandemic is becoming somewhat of a distant memory, many of us are falling back into our old patterns of work, work, work-burnout-spa day-repeat. But I think it’s important we create a new normal. Burnout can be like a bad cavity, getting worse and worse over time without preventative care. So, carving out even just a few moments a day to separate ourselves from the results-driven thinking of “doing” mode is paramount to our ability to keep mental health crises at bay. Through small practices like gratitude, prayer, meditation, mindfulness, stretching, journaling and grounding exercises, we can begin to keep our minds in check.
Consistently Make Time For Being
It’s been shown that taking consistent breaks during your work day can help to prevent decision fatigue, restore motivation, increase productivity, and improve creativity. Even “microbreaks” are more helpful than never stopping. But there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to taking care of your mental health, and you’ll have to find what works best for you before becoming consistent.
For me, scheduling breaks and setting aside an exclusive amount of time for my mental health practices has never worked. People may say it benefited them to journal 30 minutes a day, every day at bedtime, but if I do it that way, it feels like a chore, which is an activation of my “doing” mode. My “Random Musings” on Google Keep are my solution. The moment a little nugget of wisdom or a flash of understanding or curiosity strikes me, I write it down in the app on my phone. There’s really a lot of power in being able to notice what our minds are doing without judgment, and making a habit of noticing mine has helped me tremendously.
Find Solace In Your Surrender To Support
Just because the pandemic is over, it doesn’t mean that we’re not going to still face problems on a daily basis. That’s why it’s so important to be proactive about our mental health, rather than reactive. Remember that your self worth is not defined by what you can accomplish, and you’re a much better you when you’re not panicking. Lean on the resources you have access to, like your family, friends, trusted authority figures at work, and even Google to pinpoint what solutions best fit your lifelong process of wellness, and see an immediate shift in your outlook and health.
Samra Zafar is a bestselling author, physician-in-training, leading corporate consultant, and survivor of an abusive child marriage. Renowned for her insightful dialogue on cultural change, Samra Zafar combines scientific research with her corporate experience and hard-earned life lessons to shift our understanding of wellness and illustrate the transformative benefits of belonging. She is currently writing her second book, Unconditional, which explores science-based strategies to unlearn limiting beliefs and live a fuller, unconditional life.
Twice honored as one of Canada’s “Top 100 Most Powerful Women,” Zafar is celebrated as one of the “Top 25 Most Inspirational Women” in Canada and a “Top 25 Canadian Immigrant.” She holds both a bachelor’s and a master’s degree in economics from the University of Toronto, and is currently a physician-in-training, specializing in psychiatry. She is the founder and executive director of Brave Beginnings, a registered charity that provides mentorship to survivors of abuse. She also sits on the board of Women’s College Hospital Foundation and is a celebrated ambassador at Plan International Canada. Learn more about Samra by visiting: www.samrazafar.com/speaking