The Various Faces of Trauma

A few years ago, while I was packing for an upcoming move, I came across my old Pakistani passport. As I opened it, my 16-year-old self looked back at me, with the words “married” and “housewife.” I was a child bride.

I am now in my 30s. I broke free from that child marriage a decade ago and built a wonderful new life of freedom for myself and my daughters. I’ve shared my story hundreds of times around the world. I’ve even written a book about it. But none of that mattered in that moment when I saw my child self in the passport. None of it prepared me for the tsunami of pain and grief that engulfed me for the next few hours. That is the reality of living with trauma. It hits you unexpectedly like an overwhelming wave of deep emotions. And it sucks.

When I left my abusive marriage, something that no woman from my family had ever done before, I was called a shameless woman and a bad mother. When I succeeded in my academics and career, I was told, “What’s the point of you winning these awards and scholarships if you failed at the real purpose of being a woman? Shame on you.” When I started sharing my story to help others, I was accused of defaming my culture and religion for self-promotion. I know I am not the only one. Over the last decade of my advocacy work, I have heard from countless people afraid to come forward with their faith, beliefs, sexuality, gender, goals, ambitions—afraid of living their truth—due to cultural and religious trauma.

This story originally appeared July 1 2022 on The Center for Primary Care, Harvard Medical School